Are you looking for a relationship?
So many of you young people are probably saying yes! Right? Well the correct answer really should be no!
If I could tell you personally of all the heartache you will eliminate just by this one small rule….don’t pursue someone…
Does God have someone especially made for you? I believe He does…He did for me.
I met my husband when I was 16 years old and he was 19. Our story is a little different than most but I believe God ordained it. My family is originally from Guatemala and my parents moved to Houston, Texas when I was 3 years old. I had never been back to Guatemala and so at the age of 16 I traveled there with my mother and older sister. Six days into our vacation there, my cousin (who we were staying with) took my sister and I out for a tour of the downtown area. As we were crossing a street I walked past this good-looking, nice smiling guy and he looked back at me! Our eyes met and held for a moment. As we got to the other side of the street my cousin commented that she knew that guy. “He lives in our neighborhood” she said. She quickly motioned to him to come to us. He was with 3 other guys…as he arrived to our side of the street my cousin introduced my sister and I to him as her “cousins from the United States”. Long story short…we connected…there was a true attraction. The next day walking in the neighborhood we ran into him again. This time he walked with me as we began getting to know each other. He asked if he could come to where we were staying to take me and my sister on a tour of some Indians ruins that were close by. I agreed. The next day he arrived with a friend for my sister. As we spent the morning walking around this park we began sharing our life with each other and we realized that we were both Christians. He then asked me to marry him. I was speechless…for a moment and I said “yes” and it felt right. He assured me that God had already prepared him for this meeting and he knew in his gut that we were meant for each other.
After 3 days of knowing him we were engaged! Crazy right? Well yes it sounds crazy but God had already planned this for us. I left there 6 days later and came back home to Houston. We developed our relationship through letters and phone calls for 3 years. God got us through our long distance relationship. We saw each other every six months until the date of our wedding. God had a plan. We have been married now for 29 years. We still are “In Love” with each other and it has taken lots of work on both of our part to get to where we are now. We also are best of friends. Marriage is great but it is hard.
So you are probably wondering if that’s the way it happens always? No, but God has a plan for you.
For example…what often happens is that you meet a girl/guy in some enforced setting (like once a week at church or youth or maybe in a mission’s trip) and you feel an attraction. Then what you do is that you began pursing that person, making things happen to get her or him to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s when things began to get a bit crazy…because then you began dating and realize that you don’t really know the person and so you start getting to know them during this process, when in fact you should have done that first in the beginning. This is often where the trouble and stress begins because by the time you find out that you are not suited to be a couple, chances are you have already progressed physically or emotionally to a point that makes it hard to admit your mistake and end the thing.
We had the fortune that we lived 2000 miles away from each other and thus we had to take our relationship slow without being physical by kissing and getting all emotional on a daily basis. We had no choice but to get to know each other through letters and phone calls. Thank God for that! I know it made it easier for us. Although the distance was hard on us.
It makes so much sense to get to know the person first, go out in groups of friends and enjoy the friendship. If you feel some kind of connection with the person and its clear that he/she is also interested then spend time with them by themselves and getting to see how they relate to you alone and with others. All this should be happening with out ever getting physical (obviously, I’m not talking sex because that should not be happening at all unless you are married). As soon as you began exclusively dating each other and kissing and getting emotionally involved then your romantic filters get in the way of you seeing each other realistically.
The problem is that far too many young and older people are so desperate for any relationship that they are willing to take a bad relationship over no relationship and satan loves that. I believe that you should not have to be romantically involved in three or four or five relationships to find the one God has for you. With each relationship you are involved in you give a part of yourself to that person, a part you might not ever get back….then if and when you meet the one God sent to you…you have already dealt with pain, heartache, baggage etc…and have little of your true self to give.
God never created a playground for “kissing friends” or “friends with perks”. Relationships are not there for a quick feel good time or to fit in socially… the ultimate and end point of every romantic relationship should be marriage and if you know that it is not heading towards that way, then you should end it.
When you are desperate and looking for a relationship, the chances of you being hurt again are intensified (because you are not thinking clearly but emotionally). This is when you better turn it over to God so he can change your needs. Your needs should never become desperate. Trust God with your heart; He is the only one that will not break it!
Prov.4:23 – Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Phil. 4:7 – And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God knows that if we don’t guard our hearts we can fall in love with the wrong person.
So many of you young people are probably saying yes! Right? Well the correct answer really should be no!
If I could tell you personally of all the heartache you will eliminate just by this one small rule….don’t pursue someone…
Does God have someone especially made for you? I believe He does…He did for me.
I met my husband when I was 16 years old and he was 19. Our story is a little different than most but I believe God ordained it. My family is originally from Guatemala and my parents moved to Houston, Texas when I was 3 years old. I had never been back to Guatemala and so at the age of 16 I traveled there with my mother and older sister. Six days into our vacation there, my cousin (who we were staying with) took my sister and I out for a tour of the downtown area. As we were crossing a street I walked past this good-looking, nice smiling guy and he looked back at me! Our eyes met and held for a moment. As we got to the other side of the street my cousin commented that she knew that guy. “He lives in our neighborhood” she said. She quickly motioned to him to come to us. He was with 3 other guys…as he arrived to our side of the street my cousin introduced my sister and I to him as her “cousins from the United States”. Long story short…we connected…there was a true attraction. The next day walking in the neighborhood we ran into him again. This time he walked with me as we began getting to know each other. He asked if he could come to where we were staying to take me and my sister on a tour of some Indians ruins that were close by. I agreed. The next day he arrived with a friend for my sister. As we spent the morning walking around this park we began sharing our life with each other and we realized that we were both Christians. He then asked me to marry him. I was speechless…for a moment and I said “yes” and it felt right. He assured me that God had already prepared him for this meeting and he knew in his gut that we were meant for each other.
After 3 days of knowing him we were engaged! Crazy right? Well yes it sounds crazy but God had already planned this for us. I left there 6 days later and came back home to Houston. We developed our relationship through letters and phone calls for 3 years. God got us through our long distance relationship. We saw each other every six months until the date of our wedding. God had a plan. We have been married now for 29 years. We still are “In Love” with each other and it has taken lots of work on both of our part to get to where we are now. We also are best of friends. Marriage is great but it is hard.
So you are probably wondering if that’s the way it happens always? No, but God has a plan for you.
For example…what often happens is that you meet a girl/guy in some enforced setting (like once a week at church or youth or maybe in a mission’s trip) and you feel an attraction. Then what you do is that you began pursing that person, making things happen to get her or him to be your boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s when things began to get a bit crazy…because then you began dating and realize that you don’t really know the person and so you start getting to know them during this process, when in fact you should have done that first in the beginning. This is often where the trouble and stress begins because by the time you find out that you are not suited to be a couple, chances are you have already progressed physically or emotionally to a point that makes it hard to admit your mistake and end the thing.
We had the fortune that we lived 2000 miles away from each other and thus we had to take our relationship slow without being physical by kissing and getting all emotional on a daily basis. We had no choice but to get to know each other through letters and phone calls. Thank God for that! I know it made it easier for us. Although the distance was hard on us.
It makes so much sense to get to know the person first, go out in groups of friends and enjoy the friendship. If you feel some kind of connection with the person and its clear that he/she is also interested then spend time with them by themselves and getting to see how they relate to you alone and with others. All this should be happening with out ever getting physical (obviously, I’m not talking sex because that should not be happening at all unless you are married). As soon as you began exclusively dating each other and kissing and getting emotionally involved then your romantic filters get in the way of you seeing each other realistically.
The problem is that far too many young and older people are so desperate for any relationship that they are willing to take a bad relationship over no relationship and satan loves that. I believe that you should not have to be romantically involved in three or four or five relationships to find the one God has for you. With each relationship you are involved in you give a part of yourself to that person, a part you might not ever get back….then if and when you meet the one God sent to you…you have already dealt with pain, heartache, baggage etc…and have little of your true self to give.
God never created a playground for “kissing friends” or “friends with perks”. Relationships are not there for a quick feel good time or to fit in socially… the ultimate and end point of every romantic relationship should be marriage and if you know that it is not heading towards that way, then you should end it.
When you are desperate and looking for a relationship, the chances of you being hurt again are intensified (because you are not thinking clearly but emotionally). This is when you better turn it over to God so he can change your needs. Your needs should never become desperate. Trust God with your heart; He is the only one that will not break it!
Prov.4:23 – Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
Phil. 4:7 – And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God knows that if we don’t guard our hearts we can fall in love with the wrong person.
June 2009 by Ruth Galdamez
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