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I came across this study/article that I found interesting.....

We have now moved into our new church building and I am so excited about it. During this change/move....there is always room for questions and doubts. Be careful that you are not opening a door that the Lord said it was not ok to open. Our churchy lingo teaches people to say "well the Lord has opened this door for me" when in fact He did no such thing..."you opened the door yourself without consulting him"....

I think we all go through these sort of doubts at some point in our Christian walk....but read on and be reminded of some good solid advice below:


Seven things to consider before leaving a church:


1. Don’t leave a church out of your personal discontent. -- If discontent is rooted within you, it will follow you wherever you go, regardless of what church you attend. Many years ago, a certain lady who had attended our church for a few weeks came to speak with me. “Your church is so refreshing from all the other churches around here,” she complemented. Curious, I asked, “Just how many other churches have you attended?” “Oh, about thirteen,” was her reply. Privately, I realized that we were going to have problems with this new lady, because when it comes down to the basics, most Christian churches aren’t that much different from each other. Whenever a person finds dissatisfaction with several congregations, you can be assured that the problem is their own, not the churches. And sure enough, the woman eventually became discontent and left our church too, the same as the previous thirteen.


2. Don’t leave a church because you transferred your own personal frustrations there. -- Avoid pushing off your feelings of disappointment from other areas of our life onto the church. Sometimes unhappiness toward the church is a derivative from other personal problems such as: Family or marital difficulties, job dissatisfaction, personal offenses, memories of childhood abuse, mental stress, emotional illness, and so forth. People who struggle with deep internal problems sometimes develop a distorted estimation of the people or situations around them, and may blame them, including the church, for their anguish. Generally speaking, the church is not your problem. Remember that it and its ministers are there because they love you and want to help you -- not hurt you.


3. Don’t leave a church because your feelings got hurt. -- Hurt feelings are a “violation of self interests” and are usually a result of being too self-sensitive. In any church or gathering of people there may be many offensive things said or done, mostly unintended, but you don’t have to let yourself become offended. Those who are easily offended may simply be immature, too self-centered, or may retain self-sensitivities due to past, festering wounds. Hurt feelings are probably the greatest reason why people leave churches, but deepening your roots in Christ and His word can immunize you against such tenderness. “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them” (Psalm 119:165 KJV).


4. Don’t leave a church over trivial criticisms. -- People sometimes have a remarkable ability of making a mountain out of molehill. I’ve known people to change churches merely because they didn’t like the way the pastor combed his hair, the length of the services, how the bulletin was typed, or other silly reasons. Of the many excuses that persons use to leave a church, this is among the most shallow. If all you seem to do is criticize and find fault with the church, you have an attitude problem. Regardless of where you go to church, you’ll find similar faults again, because the problem isn’t with the church -- the problem is with you.


5. Avoid leaving a church over its style or individuality. -- One of the most common explanations people give for switching churches is their “disagreement with certain beliefs.” However, I can recall many instances where people used this reason even though both churches believed and taught the same things. In reality, it was a dislike of the personality of the church -- its teaching methods, the style of worship, the structure of the services, or the pastor’s preaching style, etc. Many churches actually believe and teach the same things, but each might have a slightly different method, structure, or style which makes up it’s unique personality. No two churches are alike in their personality or methods, any more than two people are alike, but it’s not really very mature to abandon a church over such, shallow, external things. Our estimation of a church should be based on more spiritual, substantive issues, such as their beliefs, their love for one another, or their commitment to reach the lost, etc.


6. Don’t leave a church when faced with self conflict. -- Many people do not understand that spiritual growth requires confronting and overcoming conflict with our self-willed nature (James 1:3-4). The environment of the church provides two important features of growth producing conflict: (1) Authority who will challenge you with truth and correct you when you are wrong. And (2) an environment of believers, many of whom are imperfect and whose rough edges will serve as sandpaper to smooth out your wrinkles. “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Prov. 27:17).


If anyone thinks he is spiritual, just get close to your brethren, and you’ll find out what’s really inside you. People are like “mirrors” in which we can see ourselves as we really are. If there’s bitterness or a lack of love, it will become exposed. It doesn’t matter how agitating, rude or unspiritual your brethren might be. This does not justify your intolerance or impatience with them. These attitudes are characteristics of your own immaturity -- a weakness in YOU that needs perfected. This is why some people run from church to church -- because it exposes their bad side. They see their own sins and blemishes revealed in their relationship with the brethren, or they become outraged when their self-willed desires or sins are challenged through convicting preaching or correction.


If a person remains a “island” to themself they will never have to face up to the spiritual immaturity within them. But exposing themselves to the environment of the church will cause them to face conflicts that must overcome in order to grow up. A sign of a spiritually mature person is that they can be loving and patient with anyone (1 John 2:10, Gal. 5:22-23), and they can humbly submit themselves to truth and the correction of authority (Heb. 13:17).


7. Don’t leave a church until you have contributed in some way to try help make it better. -- I have always noticed that the most critical people in the church are usually the ones who do the least. Have you prayed for the leaders? Have you made yourself available to serve or help in areas of ministry? Have you expressed helpful suggestions or brought your concerns to the leadership (in a non-judgmental fashion). Go to the leadership and share your heart without harsh criticism, verbal assaults, or nagging complaints, which only cause a leader to become defensive.


Never spread your “unhappiness,” criticism or dissatisfaction to members of the body -- this doesn’t do anything to help, and stirs up discord in the church, a sin God hates (Prov. 6:19).If you can’t keep from spreading your discontent to others, sadly, it may be in your best interest and for the peace of the congregation, for you to move on to another church. Compassionate leaders who are unable to reason with such persons would be wise, and justified by scripture, to encourage their departure from the fellowship. “Cast out the scoffer, and contention will leave; yes, strife and reproach will cease” (Prov. 22:10).

Wow...lots to think about.....I've been guilty of some of these but one thing I've learned it you are facing something our first resolution is to ask ourselves "What did I contribute to the situation?" "Can I move ahead?" I hope you find your place, I believe and trust God that we have....

Blessings, Ruth

Slow Fade

I like that song that has been playing a lot lately…..”be careful little eyes what you see” I think it’s called Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.

It’s a great message to us all…We never think that we’ve compromised when we are in the middle of our compromise. We tend to justify our decisions.

Picture something so typical in our walk with the Lord… Like the young married couple that has been praying for a financial blessing. Then the Lord answers their prayers and the husband gets a new promotion! They rejoice and praise the Lord….5 or 10 or 15 or 20 years down the road…..the couple is struggling to keep their marriage from ending. Why?

The song says:Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

Too many people begin telling him how awesome he is and what great ideas he has...
Too many people telling her how beautiful she is....

The money was great….it changed his focus…the husband began enjoying his job and needed to keep up with it. He begins to travel extensively, he begins to have a little cocktail or wine every now and then…. Of course this is really no big deal...but it is exactly how a compromise begins. Its something you've never done before because of your beliefs and all of a sudden its ok... He is finally seeing what the world has to offer. The job takes him to long weekends and then he begins missing church on Sundays….but he is doing it for the future of his family. The world is an exciting place and all that is within it. Ambition is a dangerous field for the young and old.

The wife feels neglected…alone…doing all the raising of the children. Bitterness seeps in. She spends nights asking the Lord to change her husband’s heart. She sees his coldness, she feels the gap in their relationship….she tries harder each time to please him but his focus is no longer on her or their children..it’s in making money for their future. He has changed…so then she begins to change. She begins spending the money and going out with her friends more consistently...spending less time doing her bible studies and praying. All the while saying to herself "I'll show him!"

The dreams they always had of the big house, the nice car, the nice trips… they finally accomplished...but it is all now being divided up in divorce court. Somehow their strong beliefs did not make it to this point. They were lost gradually...

The song says: “It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

I know what I’m talking about….it’s a choice. We could have been that couple many years ago...but we made some tough choices and ones that many people would not understand til this day. We chose the path less taken. We chose our walk with the Lord….

The couple that chose the path that I’ve described above, obviously made the wrong choice. They were our friends...

The song says: It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Family Visitors

This is our last weekend hosting my in laws....Whew! I'm exhausted, tired and also blessed to have had them with us for a few weeks.

When my mother and father in law come to town...our lives stop. We spend all our free time with them and its been a good time. I would not have it any other way.

Harold sees his parents once a year maybe twice. He loves them so very much and they are a handful. He comes from a family of 3, a sister that is two years older and a brother that is 10 years younger. Harold is the middle child. He is his mother's favorite! Boy, thats an understatement....She absolutely adores him! But what mother wouldn't. He is the perfect son. He dotes on his mother and they have a special bond. She is blessed to have him.

We've had fun shopping, eating out, sitting by the pool, watching the world cup and playing cards. Since the beginning we have always played cards as a family with them. We are now experts in a game called phase 10. My mother in law is the biggest cheater and Harold is right behind her. We laugh our heads off at the outrageous way they play this game. Now, they have sweet Leah cheating as well!

Funny how life is....when I met them 33 years ago they were approximately the age Harold and I are now...

My mother in law is a spitfire....her idea of fun is racing Harold in the pool...(at 77)!! She loves to talk and tell stories. She has finally forgiven me, I think, for taking her precious son away from her. My father in law is and has always been a very quiet man. He is now 84 and does not speak much anymore. My heart weakens at the sight of him because I sense he will not be with us too much longer...He has been a blessing to our family. Such a wonderful man and a wonderful father in law.

I've enjoyed this time with them all the more since I no longer have my parents with me. These are the moments to cherish....I love to listen to their stories. I prod and get them talking and I just sit there and listen...very interesting stuff.

I will miss them when they leave on Monday morning and once again will thank the Lord for a nice visit. Harold will be a little sad....he gets this look about him when they leave and I'll just hold him.

I miss my parents so very much!

R

50's

Wow! I am now a half century old! On Friday Harold and the kids gave me a nice Dinner party with a few of my close friends. We had such a nice time! They did a fabulous job of hostessing and I thank them for their love and commitment to me.

I've been thinking alot about what it means to cross into this new era in my life....

Have I changed? Do I still have the same values? Do I have new ones? What is it that I really care about?

There is a lot of reflecting going on in my head these days.....

I've had two recent deaths in my family and a brother that is literally fighting to survive.

Someone asked me the other day...."Have you questioned God about why" I'm glad she asked because it allowed me to verbally speak out so that I could hear my answer audibly and so that the enemy could hear me say it....."I don't question God anymore....I simply have to trust HIM".

Have I changed? No, I have not changed....God has changed me...
Do I still have the same values? YES, YES, YES....no one can change that
Do I have new ones? Yes I do...one very important one that I've acquired over the last 5 years...."I don't value material things" What material things?....I don't value a high end vehicle....I don't value a Mansion.....I don't value Diamonds.....I don't get impressed by people that are millionaires...I've been around them for most of my career and they are not impressive at all. Celebrities do NOT IMPRESS ME. etc.....

What do I really care about? My obedience to the Lord. My Husband and my Children and my Grandchildren....I care about my extended family and pray for them always. I care for my friends and their needs. I care for the body of Christ that is the church and for their needs.

I sometimes find myself quiet in a room full of people at any given occasion and I hear their converstions....people are interesting to watch and listen to from afar....
you will learn alot about their values by just listening.

I was sitting at my doctors' office the other day and just listening to various conversations...very interesting stuff.

I think God enjoys our conversation also...He sits back and listens too and I wonder what He does when our conversations never include Him....or when our conversations are so shallow. I don't believe we always need to have Spiritual conversation at all times.....I certainly don't. But when all you do is talk about your car or your house or expensive things...I think God leaves that conversation and just shakes His head at us. I love to laugh, I love to tease....I'm sure God laughs at some of my jokes also....but somewhere in my talks I want to know that he is enjoying my conversation and He is pleased with my values.

My next 50s will be interesting...because I've always been called bold....but I hear that as you get older you get bolder....well if that's true "watch out"!

I want to be Bold about my Lord.....always with love and compassion and no condemnation....


I'm proud to be 50...I've come a long way....I'm happy, content, at peace, full of love, in good health. What more can I ask for?

Thank you Lord for everything!